Andresko

Andresko

More Information about me here

I am a member

English,

You always felt different. You always knew there was something about you, some kind of natural alteration of the matrix or of the desperate flow of information within. It shaped your complete and entire being as to be the odd one out since you were born, which is totally opposite to feeling of being he special one. Being the special one is for kids or for important people, not my point of inflection right now.

Almost in every social situation, even while you were sleeping you needed some time extra to recover from such a stormy journey. But, what social interaction can you develop while you sleep? It’s not so obvious; it’s just different, but affects every single soul. Every dream is a pure reflection of the infinite contact with your unconscious (or was it sub-conscious?, who cares about the difference anyway) which is due in some sort of parallel dimension, where all your trendy hormones, vast experiences with the others, twisted brain cells and stupid dilemmas just can be explained by one word: weirdness. Realizing your own weirdness within, even in a sub-conscious level, is the first step of a long path ahead. It is quite an “achievement” though and you can only do it with the others and because of the others.

There is no weirdness in God, because “he” is unique (Did you notice he is a he and not a she?, not even a we, how dodgy no?). There is no weirdness in uniqueness, simply because there is no benchmark. Perhaps that’s why many of us idolize just a few of us with exceptional qualities, like football players or top models, because there is no weirdness in uniqueness. Perhaps that’s why He, the pope and hundreds of others in many spheres of human life are “hes”, because men are unique?.

So your whole life you feel like there must be something else, you try to embrace your own specie by travelling, attending several kinds of activities and groups, doing group sports, yoga, joining the scouts, going to church and even applying to University. You are passionately looking for this eternal feeling of actually “belonging” to somebody or to something. Also looking for a way to fulfill, or at least dominate, your weirdness.

One of the very first times you go out to “the real world” is when your parents bring you to church. You are not 100% there, because you are still living in your child paranormal world (don’t mean to disregard with contempt that beautiful stage of our lives, more the opposite). So after a while, you start realizing how scary and ugly are all those rainbowish windows and how demoniac are those statues of some John Doe bleeding attached to a cross. You, with 8, 9 or whatever years old, start thinking and as far as you go on, you don’t completely understand what’s happening there. And you begin asking yourself, after you hear long talks about poverty: what the heck is that guy talking about? He is 120 kilos, he has something to eat every morning.

You really end to realize that all those people are quite different to you, therefore “completely weird”. Suddenly, the most beautiful thought comes to you, from heaven: “Oh dear, there is a bunch of wrong people here, I’d better escape from this group of crazy people”.

You are older now and you have a better discernment. Or that’s what you think. So you just decide to find the right place for the wrong people, people like you, where you imagine you could belong to. So you sign up and your membership starts.

What’s on your mind?

English,

Normally, every thought in my mind comes to an end one day. Fortunately this one was some sort of transformer and ended up on my blog. I can’t really tell if it was smart or completely stupid before, but as any kind of thought, it started somewhere. That’s the major key point that sometimes I forget: the starting point. It allows me to spend marvelous moments of loneliness just seating in front of the screen sticking words together. By the way, what do I mean by mentioning this so called “starting point”? It is quite simple. It comes from the stars. They just send me a magical message and as soon as I look up I am totally screwed, because I start wondering about millions of things, of which I have no idea whether the people around me wonder or not, like Facebook® posts.

After reading a few posts, there is not much time needed to realize that Facebook® must be one of the greatest inventions for shrinks in this planet. It is possible to learn and understand a lot about human behavior just by browsing your friends’ pages, looking at their pictures, and even less, just by reading what they publish on their statuses. Of course, shrinks know it and people working in marketing as well, that’s where the social network becomes dangerous and tricky. Amazingly, I can also have some space and sneak in the cover of these stories, to play the psychologist for a while.

Classifications are the norm sometimes, but I don’t really appreciate them. That’s how a war can start, plus they add some sort of contempt and it is a proof, at least for now, of higher stupidity (or lower intelligence). So, just to defy the norm and my own and temporary definition of lower intelligence, here a few classes:

Complaints: “It is so rainy”, “It is so hot”, “It is so cold”, “Problem X in country Y”, “I hate guys”, “I don’t like my country because of reason W”, “It is Monday again!”, etc, etc, etc. I have counted more than five complaints from girls about the weather just in a few minutes of Facebook® browsing, unbelievable, isn’t it?.

Me, me and me: “I speak so many languages”, “I am so good that I got a job in company Z”, “I feel so great and have so many friends”, “I am so this, that and those”. It seems like taking some lessons of self esteem with some personal branding as well. I wonder if it is possible to achieve such targets on Facebook® though.

Sharing is caring: “I am so happy today”, “I love you, me, my family or my friends so much”, “I am full of energy”, “I miss you”, “I like you”, “I love product X, city Y or person Z”. Spreading the love has never been so public. Then you really start wondering why this particular Facebook® profile is so happy. Perhaps he or she smoked some weed, is totally drunk after a few hours of yoga or had loads of sex last night. Then you also start wondering if the personal situation equals the Facebook profile. For sure, we all use masks in front of the people around us. The keyboard and the screen are one of the most popular masks nowadays. Anyway, this kind of post seems to receive a lot of attention and quite a few “I like” clicks.

Attention and pity: “I need this”, “I am so unlucky”, “My life is so bad”, “God, help me”. “He did that to me”… What to say, again some self esteem?

Nobody: “…”. This is one of best groups. I love these people. They simply don’t post anything on Facebook®, not even for Christmas. Then, you really start wondering how come they don’t have time for Facebook®. Perhaps they are not really best friends with technology; perhaps they are shy, on holidays or even dead. If you have a life, then you post on Facebook®, right? or was it the other way around?.

Dark Age

English,

Life has mysterious ways. It’s been an ugly time for some of us, crowded with misfortune and some twisted intentions. I can’t avoid moving down from the superficial layer that some even avoid and as much as I can approach life I can do with death. Spontaneous images surrounded by black episodes populate many of the complicated paths of my spirit. I wonder about the outcome though.

Everything started last year. Then, the earthquake came to remind us again how short life is, to tell us one more time to profit life, smile and enjoy whoever and wherever, to teach us how to love more and to hate less. It came to change a complete country.

Farewells are also included in this quest. I have been to many of them, even to my own one a couple of times. I have also missed a few, mostly in Bonn. Some important and beautiful people are far away from me, really far away like Felipe is. I guess I am lucky the world is so small and we can still have a chat from time to time in my dreams. I can profit those moments to laugh for a while with some of the many stupid comments he used to make to see a small smile coming from my mouth, the hundreds of jokes and his special way of making fun of someone, particularly of my sister and I. Some precious and abundant targets you have, don’t you?.

Perhaps the most interesting are the internal farewells. I have been just going thru them right from the bottom of my soul. It is the first time I have the chance to experience such scorpionic feelings. Those are black and intense feelings, sometimes sadness, others pure and total jealousy, hate or mistrust. Unfortunately I can’t escape right now from this deadly instinct. I don’t know how to fight against myself. The links are collapsing by themselves and I have done my part as well, cutting communication. It is imperative to light up the anguish and reveal the destructive emotions, so I can go back to the basics and perhaps reach heaven one day.

Otherwise, I am waiting to see some new adventures or the start of a new revolution in the future. After all, whenever you bring so much death you have the chance of the rebirth and the creation of a new fate together with new discoveries. Even so it is a tough time when you have to change your skin, it feels like burning sometimes and from time to time you believe you can’t hold it anymore; even more, you tell to yourself: fuck! I can’t overcome this doomed destiny. Then you must remember Mars and all the great willpower and strong heart it has given you, just like trees do, you need long roots towards the boiling center of the earth to be able to cross the sky with the leaves.

Finally, yesterday was a long day, too much work to do. I was buying the bike, shopping, painting, cleaning, cooking, etc. I was completely tired, the whole day. Feeling a lack of energy that made me go back home at 1 on a Saturday night, which is extremely rare for me. I didn’t understand what was going on with me until this morning, when I got to read the news from my sister. While I was reading the email, I couldn’t avoid dropping tons of tears and as I write now I still can’t avoid really wanting to be there with you and I remember one more time how short life is, how hard it is to keep smiling and how great values of this life (the small things) are hidden for some of us. They say it is a gift from heaven, to lose and to suffer, to be able to apprecite what we have. I guess I can just ask you to stay longer among us. I really want to see you making fun of me once again. I really want to see you changing your skin one more time, as you have done it already a few times with your powerful star.

Love

Royal Blood

English,

Sometimes you just sit down, look outside your window and start asking all the same questions about yourself. There isn’t much hope when you unveil the eternal opposition. On the one hand, the ego, and on the other, the soul.

How obvious and refreshing sounds to hear the correct answer: Soul, what else? Is there anything else to listen to?. But the ego is ruthless and harsh, it will always attempt to murder all the best intentions and to transmute them into expressions of self glorification and vanity. It will try again and again to corrode all the magical symbols coming straight from the center of your soul. Fortunately, it is impossible to shine and shine over the rest so you easily realize that your royal blood is not that royal, not that blue, but red instead. As time goes and you hit it back to destroy some of the mirrors pointing towards your gravity in this world, vital energy starts expressing all the potential hidden between your cells. What else than humility to win this battle?. What else than pure love to evolve from the primitive sorrow?

The same treats you hated so much for neglecting all these skills look back at you, with complete and total honesty, addressing all the energy to the real center of your existence, your heart. This red engine brings peace and resilience, as the sun shines for everyone in this planet, your heart shines as well for everyone else, with the single pretention of loving. Loving is giving, giving is giving, giving a smile, a present, a hug, a cigarette or some coins to a beggar. A question or an answer, whatever it may be. Then, the only fascination to pursue and to finally reach your soul is giving.

Perhaps, there is only one remark to consider. There are too many out there and your soul will never be able to achieve such a gigantic enterprise. So it is better to make some selections and apply some filters, there might be some to put outside the circle. Plus, your ego might be confusing you again, with such goals.

I heard once the best advice ever and i followed every word as if it was a commandment from heaven. How to give? -she said-. I just looked at her waiting for a signal, a better explanation, which never came. Instead she replied: Just be, dance, paint, sing, hug, write, do stupid things, eXprEss YouRsElf… …whenever you sincerely smile at someone, you do it at yourself as well. It is impossible to learn the paths of your soul without taking a glance of the universal ability of being.

Alas Doradas

Español

Hoy es una de esas noches donde me despego de la tierra, donde miro hacia arriba y veo las estrellas revoloteando e invitándome a compartir las horas eternas. Recuerdo que jugaba con ellas de pequeño, cuando viajaba con mis padres en el asiento trasero del auto. Todo el camino miraba por la ventana hacia arriba, miraba sin cesar esos pequeños puntos blancos resplandecientes. Inventaba un mundo transparente, lleno de túneles y escondites secretos, donde sólo había espacio para mí.

Hay personas que vuelan cada segundo de sus vidas, a pesar de estar sumergidas en un túnel sangriento, copado de lágrimas y estertores. Pueden levantarse y brillar muy fuerte. Encienden su estrella de fuego, abren la ventanilla y despegan con sus alas doradas del asiento trasero. Por segundos, resplandecen sobre los otros, los autos, los árboles y el camino. Luego entran al siguiente túnel, para continuar con el círculo intransigente y se preparan para volver a nacer, desde las cenizas de la muerte.

A veces me divido en dos como esta noche. Mi cuerpo, con sus éxitos, fracasos y ensayos de misterio, se queda aquí en este mundo y mi espíritu se levanta para volar libre más allá de la atmósfera. Es una suerte de desdoblamiento astral, mezclado con un poco de esperanza. He tenido la oportunidad de verme frente a frente con la muerte y de convertirme en llamas etéreas, como el ave fénix, hasta que salgo volando hacia los astros en un tránsito inexorable.

Aún después de ese viaje infinito, tengo que despertar y encontrarme con mi cuerpo vacilante otra vez. Con cansancio y un poco de dolor en mis alitas, pero perplejo por los parajes visitados…

Canción para ella

Español

Ella es una amante de la vida social
Se pasea entre la verde naturaleza y la psicología del espíritu
Nadie se libra de su estética y su altura
Aunque ella sonría cada segundo
Siempre habrá una duda

Con su energía y esa marca en su cabeza
Puede tomar la iniciativa tantas veces como letras en el abecedario
Para encontrar los corazones en su semanario
Sin duda sus emociones la llevan hacia los idilios más perfectos
Con artistas y estilistas

En su versátil escenario
Y esa cabellera asoleada
Emprende rumbos impensados con activa armonía
Para ganarse el cielo en la agonía

Su hogar es siempre muy hermoso
Y su familia un reposo

Sus deseos la llevaran a lugares remotos
y a un destino inevitable
con el amor como milagro
y el universo como tarea implacable

Tengan cuidado con los argumentos
Debajo de sus faldas hay un intelecto envidiable
Un espíritu indomable
Y un poema para las noches de soledad
que a veces se confunde con pragmatismo

Ha padecido engaños y altibajos
Junto a su romántica almohada
Pero su altruismo inagotable y esa personalidad inescrutable
La han hecho mirarme de vez en cuando
Para que nos enfrentemos nuevamente en nuestra lucha marciana…

Astronauta

Español, ,

Hay una fuerza que inevitablemente modifica algunas conductas. Una fuerza muy potente conectada con la adaptación cultural, el tiempo y el aprendizaje. Así ha pasado conmigo, he incorporado comportamientos que antiguamente nunca pensé iban a abordar mi carácter. Uno de ellos es la distancia física, algo reconocido internacionalmente, que se manifiesta en diferentes culturas en claros y medibles espacios personales. Que ‘simpático’ e inesperado -pensé-.

Estuve en una reunión familiar y también de fiesta con amigos. ¡Que frío estás Andresko! -me dijeron en varias ocasiones-, cuando los saludaba y abrazaba. He cargado mi actitud y mi carácter con un poquito de distancia, con un poquito de seriedad y sobriedad. Ni siquiera necesito revisar los libros, ya vivo la paradoja cultural o el shock de vuelta como algunos entendidos lo subrayan. Un simple acercamiento físico como un abrazo pasó de ser algo rutinario a algo escaso, difícil de sentir por las Europas. Qué lejos me siento de lo que solía ser, del Andresko que fue corriendo a abrazarte apenas me recogiste en el aeropuerto de Berlín cuando recién llegaba.

Hoy fui a reunirme con amigos con los que construyo un proyecto social para unir a las personas y cambiar el mundo, para unir por el futuro. Después de dos horas de reunión me di cuenta que había otra cosa, un punto de vista más pragmático, donde se dejan de lado las confusiones, complicaciones y las trescientas vueltas para explicar un punto de vista o lograr un acuerdo, donde mi carácter parece un poco más apresurado y mis reacciones categóricas y definidas. Que ‘simpático’ e inesperado -pensé otra vez-.

Punto importante en los altibajos culturales es la inconsciente alteración de la experiencia y de los espacios sociales. Así, en el país del Kuchen, proyectaba una imagen extrovertida, dispersa, divertida y cariñosa y aquí, casi parezco una estatua. ¡Del terror!! -me dije-. ¿Cómo ambas personas pueden sobrevivir dentro de mi mismo? La paradoja es muy razonable, pues simplemente me dedique a alterar los espacios sociales para hacerlos más similares a los entornos de Chile, buscando armonía y equiparando las distancias culturales para sentirme más cómodo y tener un mejor desempeño. Obviamente, también para dejar mi sello en ese mundo tan extraño y hacerlo mío, más latino.

Entonces, algunas de mis conductas se han tornado bastante ‘anglosajonas’ (como escuché una vez), pero el fuero interno sigue de pie y más potente. Sigue empujándome hacia la piscina de emociones proactivas, sentimientos de cambio y futuros alternativos, donde me encuentro libremente, desde toda mi historia y mi presente como un agente positivo o un bicho raro en medio de una sociedad somnolienta. Porque me aburre tanta desigualdad. Amanezco con unas ganas y una tenacidad implacables, a pesar de las fronteras y los espacios de desconsuelo. Sigo orgullosamente soñando y escribiendo. Aunque parezca menos Chileno que nunca, sigo siendo un astronauta.

Bonn

English

I will miss you dancing everywhere
I will miss you laughing so loud sometimes that everyone could recognize you
I will miss you singing so beautifully
I will miss you posting funny comments and tagging me somewhere
I will miss your blackberry
I will miss you playing the guitar
I will miss you smoking and drinking, smoking and drinking, smoking and drinking.
I will miss you traveling with me
I will miss you when I was down and you were hugging me
I will miss you when you visited me
I will miss you saying stupid jokes
I will miss you having lunch with me
I will miss you telling me the worst story ever
I will miss you talking so much
I will miss you kissing me
I will miss you trying to understand me
I will miss you making out with her everywhere
I will miss you loving him so much
I will miss you and me going to James Joyce, Ludwig, Nyx, Tanzbar and of course, to Blow Up
I will miss you waking me up in the morning and telling me: dude common, wake up!
I will miss you not saying anything to finally hearing your unknown voice
I will miss you telling me who kissed who and who didn’t kissed anyone
I will miss you when we cooked together
I will miss you telling me that you hated and liked me at the same time
I will miss you playing ultimate Frisbee
I will miss you drinking my piña colada
I will miss you listening to every stupid thing that came to my mouth
I will miss you waiting for me in the morning
I will miss you going to a nice Italian restaurant
I will miss you saying: What do you mean?!?!?!
I will miss you approaching her and telling me all your strategies
I will miss you when we first met and when we first said good bye…

Games

English

You are stupid, I don’t believe you.
It is not my fault, it is your fault.
Why don’t you call her? She loves you, I don’t care .
You are on her side, not on mine.
I did as much as possible, but what you did was too much.
I never thought you would even agree with her.
Com’on, don’t be so melodramatic, you are free now, go to her!
Don’t be ridiculous, you know exactly what I mean.
That’s my business, not yours, I decide what to do with that.

I knew you will ask me that.
But that’s your problem.
Then, you will be waiting all your life.
You aren’t my friend, you are nothing to me.
If you go or stay doesn’t change anything.

Stop gossiping about my good friend.
She would never lie to me as you have done.
You are a liar.
I don’t want your presents, I don’t want your promises.
Stay away from me.
I have enough friends, you are not one of them.

Stop talking nonsense and leave as fast as you can.
I don’t want to hear your excuses.
Why don’t you go and tell all this to that bitch?
For me you died already…

…I hate you!